MOTHER’S CARE TO HER DAUGTHER
In this type of case, we are going to talk about some points on how a mother should breed her daughter without problem, and also to learn how to make friends with their daughter, and also we would talk about things to do and things not to do, those point are as follow.
- Yelling at her all the time
- Opinion rejection
- Give them control
- Use real names
- Introduction to sex education
- Teaching her on how to take care of her body as woman
- Opportunity giving
- Sharing your problems with her at times
Those points listed above are part of the things to do and the things not to do, we would be talking about it one after the other.
YELLING AT THEM ALL THE TIME: These are normal things to do when a child is growing up, it is part of the strategy to use in striating them up but it shouldn’t be all the time, but a male child myth be stubborn, but a female child is not as stubborn as male child, if you shout at them too much, the myth be seeing you as masquerade or having masquerade feelings against you.
If you yell at them too much, the child will be scared of you, normally according to the style of child breeding in Nigeria, a child should be scared of his or her parent, but not to the extent that your child will be scared whenever he or she hears you coming back from work, children should be happy whenever their parent are coming back home, either from work or wherever they went.
OPINION REJECTION: According to the breeding style of our country Nigeria, late brain maturity is very common, you can’t compare the maturity level of a ten years old child in America to a ten years old child here in Nigeria, their level of thinking is quite different, but you should listen to their opinion, so she won’t think that her opinion doesn’t matter.
And also at times her opinion always matter if you listen to it and later think about it, and if you always listen to them, it will make her want to be your friend, it will make feel she can confide in you, and the secret there is that, the way you always share your problem with her will actually make her feel she can share her own problem with you too no matter what the situation may be, and if you are able to advise her about the problem she share with you, trust me, you are best friend forever.
ATTENTION: Let’s take a look at it from the direction of the parent, though in this world that we live in today, we have to work hard to take good care of our children, but we shouldn’t forget that giving her attention also is part of taking care of her, don’t forget we are talking about female child here in this topic, there some things she would like to share with you her mother because it’s a female thing, but you are not around, she will have to keep it to herself even if it’s a burden, she would have to carry it herself, you will come late in the night, and you won’t bother to ask her what challenge is she facing, probably it may not be your fault, it may be the stress given to you by the type of the job you do, but you should still find time to ask her what is going on in her life, by doing this, as a mother, you stand a 62% of chance to become her best friend, let’s give our female child attention no matter how full your schedule may be, because time is coming that you will retire from all of those schedule of yours, it is that child of yours that you will retire to, so let give them attention, it’s important.
Give them control. Do they want to paint their nails? Cut their hair? Get their ears pierced? Give them some freedom to make age-appropriate decisions about their body.
Use real names. Part of having body confidence is being able to identify your parts for what they are. We don’t use words like “pee pee” or “potty place” and then giggle. Instead, we use anatomical names for all parts of the body. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
INTRODUCTION TO SEX EDUCATION: When it comes to sex education, parents usually have many questions. How do I start? What do I say? When do I say it? What will my child think.
Sex education has changed since we were kids. You simply cannot do sex education with a big one-off talk (even if you think you have covered everything). Today it is about lots of small, frequent, repetitive conversations with your child.
The reason why you should to talk to your kids about all this topic?
Firstly, your children are going to hear about sex if you like it or not, either from their friends or through internet, friend, and TV, By getting in first, you are making sure that they receive the right information from you and more importantly, that they know how you feel about it.
Another point is that you are actually influencing what your kids will one day do about sex. Kids that receive good sex education are more likely to delay having sex and when they do start, they are likely to avoid unwanted pregnancies, and sexually transmitted disease.
Here you will find some outline of the different things about sex that kids eventually need to know about. The topics and ages are just a procedure, and are based on what we know about child sexual development, and in keeping our kids healthy and safe in our world and environment today.
Babies and toddlers (0-2 years)
- The names of their body parts- yes, the penis and vulva too!
- That it is okay to touch all parts of their body – let them grab their vulva or penis at bath time or during nappy changes.
- Let them know the differences between boys and girls – boys have penises and girls have virginal.
- Teach them to know about the functions of their body parts – urine comes out through your penis/vulva, poo comes out through your bottom/anus (and it is okay to use appropriate slang, just not all of the time).
- If they like being naked all the time, start introducing boundaries about nudity – there is a time and a place to be naked (and it isn’t at the park!).
The type of support they need.
Technically, it isn’t really sex education at this age. It is really just about letting your child explore their whole body and to start pointing out simple differences between male and female. When naming the parts of their bodies you can also include their penis or vulva and also talk about what they can do to protect it, that is your penis and your urine comes out of there!’. The end goal is for your child to be comfortable with their whole body and to see all parts as being equal (with no shame).
Early childhood (2-5 years)
- The correct names of the body parts and what they do.
- That our bodies are different and that is okay to be different.
- That our bodies can tell us what we are feeling – we have many different feelings and we can feel them in our body.
Privacy and Self spacing
- That some parts of the body are private -these aren’t for the whole world to see.
- That there are private and public places and times – this one is a tricky one for kids to learn as it changes. For example, it might be okay for your child to be naked at home when their grandmother is visiting but not the stranger!
- Teach them to respect other people’s privacy. For example, if the bathroom door is closed, that they should knock and ask if they can enter.
- Let them know that they are entitled to privacy too – like when they are in the toilet, or bathroom or dressing room.
- That conversations about bodies are for private times at home and with their parents (not in the school yard).
Time and pace to touch ourselves
- That it is okay to touch their penis or vulva but that there is a time and a place for it.
- Set limits around genital play. Explain that touching your own genitals can feel good but that it is a private activity, like toileting, and it should happen in a private place, like in their bedroom.
- Let them know that the shouldn’t grab their genitals when they are out socially, gently remind them that they need to keep their hands out of their pants. Don’t make a big fuss as they are doing it because it makes them feel more secure, and safe. Eventually they will outgrow it!
- If found playing ‘doctor’ with a friend (looking at each other’s genitals), take a deep breath, calmly interrupt them, ask them to get dressed and distract them into another topic or toys or games. Later on, you can discuss privacy and rules about touching their private part.
- That all living things reproduce- trees drop seeds, dogs gives birth to puppies and humans have babies. Slowly start pointing out all examples of reproduction when you see them.
- A baby grows inside the woman – uterus or baby bag or even tummy (you’ll get specific later on).
- Both a man and a woman are needed to make a baby.
- How a baby is made – that you need a part from a man (cell or sperm) and a part from a woman (cell or egg) to make a baby. ‘Where do I come from’ is usually the first question kids ask!
- That a baby grows inside a woman. Keep it super simple – they only want basic concepts. The details come much later.
- If they want to know how the baby comes out, just explain that it comes out of the woman’s stomach or through her vagina.
- That making babies is for adults and not for kids to do. Get into the habit of reminding them of this, every time you talk about it.
Body ownership and the way and how to touch
- That they are the owner of their body and have a right to say who can touch their body.
- That it is not okay to hug or touch someone if they don’t want you to.
- That sometimes there are reasons for an adult to look at or touch their body, like a doctor or nurse.
- That we don’t keep secrets about our bodies. Secrets can be about surprises and presents.
- That they can always tell you about anything that makes them feel bad or funny.
The support they need to be given
Preschoolers are the hardest and the best age to teach. They are like a dry bread ready to be soaked in tea, ready to learn up information about all, either good or bad. If they haven’t had an explanation that makes sense to them, they will use their imagination to make up their own impact on something. prepare yourself as they easily forget and sometimes they don’t understand you the first time you teach them something or only bit of it. And don’t forgot to ask them what they mean, so that you give them the correct answer.
You want to set yourself as their number one best source for information. It means being honest and trustworthy and answering their questions about babies. By answering, you are giving your child the message that they can talk to you about anything at anytime and that you are a reliable best source of information. It is a good thing, especially once they start to have contact with other children.
- Know what words to use when talking about body parts (both boys and girls) – penis, testicles, scrotum, anus, vulva, labia, vagina, clitoris, uterus and ovaries.
- To have some knowledge of the internal reproductive organs – uterus, ovary, fallopian tubes, urethra, bladder, bowel.
- That bodies come in all different shapes, sizes and colors.
- Both boys and girls have body parts that may feel good when touched.
- To be able to look after their own body i.e. private parts, hair, teeth, skin, etc.
- To have refusal skills in place – ‘Stop, I don’t like that’.
- That their bodies will change as they get older.
- That puberty is a time of physical and emotional change. If they want to know what changes, just talk about how this is the stage where they grow into an adult.
- That a baby can happen when a man’s sperm joins a woman’s ovum and that it usually happens by sexual intercourse (IVF is another way).
- That a baby is made when sperm leave the man through his penis and go into the woman’s vagina. They then find their way to the place where the egg is. The egg and the sperm then join together, and grow into a baby.
- That adults have sex and that it’s a natural, normal and healthy part of life.
- That adults often kiss, hug, touch and engage in other sexual behaviours with one another to show caring for each other and to feel good.
- That sex is an adult activity and is not for kids like them.
- That adults can choose whether or not to have a baby.